The Passionate Mediator

The words ‘passionate mediator’ would be considered by many as an oxymoron. The ethical constraints placed on mediators give credit to this claim. Yet, as the profession of mediation emerges from its birth within the legal system, changing societal mores call for “more warmth, authenticity and caring” .

This blog posits that a passionate mediator is more than a facilitator: that they are multi-functional, flexible, ethical, responsive and responsible.

This theme will be developed through four stages. Stage 1: The meaning of 'passion' Passion can be defined as ‘...a strong inclination toward a self-defining activity that one likes (or even loves), finds important, and in which one invests time and energy on a regular basis.2

Aristotle pre-empted a modern-day mediator’s position, decrying that ‘the passionate element is not present in law but is in every human soul.’

Stage 2: Difficulties within mediation ethics Mediation ethics do not mention ‘passion’ but in not mentioning it, it effectively doesn’t exist (becoming yet another elephant in the room), thereby restricting a mediator’s flexibility within an individual mediation. ​ Crowe proclaims that the current regulatory model for mediators is ‘hierarchical, formalistic and coercive’ and, to which, I would add, constraintive, and proposes a practice model of professional ethics that ‘is relational, dynamic and normative’. His forthright article declares: ‘Mediators are innovators: the nature of the process enables them to try new things and evolve their practices over time. This flexibility 5 extends to ethics as well as other aspects of the process’. ​ From this he develops a theme of shared ethical responsibility between mediator and mediatees. Douglas goes further in pointing out the replacement of the moral imperative of ‘Neutrality’ with ‘Impartiality’ necessitates a shift to a client-centred model within a relationship of trust.

Using Roger’s concepts in psychotherapy: ...impartiality means not taking sides, not directing participants towards any outcome, not imposing personal values, not imposing any judgement (as an outcome or as an attitude), avoiding an adversarial approach and putting aside one’s personality in furtherance of the task at hand. Furthermore, by adding the opportunity to hear oneself (central to therapeutic relationships) to the opportunity to be heard in mediation, 6 procedural fairness is extended and shaped to fit mediation practice . Similar ethical problems exist in other professions (e.g. medicine, nursing, social work). Person-centred autonomy/self-determination have been driven by societal changes but there has been no concomitant revision of professional ethics. Crowe has the last word with his challenge: “If mediators want their community to be defined by relationality, dynamism and shared responsibility, rather than by hierarchies and formal rules, they need to be able to articulate that vision and fight for it.”

Stage 3: Aristotle on passion, performance and affect Aristotle’s Triad of Ethos, Pathos and Logos8 (See Fig 1) can be applied to a mediator’s multi-functioning roles within a mediation.

Fig 1 Effects and affects within a mediation session ​ Logos is about logic and information. By introducing themselves to the mediatees, acknowledging them, explaining the process and incorporating the moral imperatives of impartiality, confidentiality and voluntariness before moving onto individual statements (whilst listening, hearing and respecting) and then reflecting and formatting an agenda, a passionate and knowledgeable mediator creates a credible, authentic and safe environment and elicits trustworthiness without influence. Aristotle’s practical thinking/wisdom which tempers passion within any interaction or communication maximises this atmosphere. The mediator’s Logos extends into facilitation and pacing into the face-to-face encounters and into the one-on-one sessions and into any agreement details. Pathos is about the emotional contexts within the mediation relationship. Passion, tempered by a mediator’s self-compassion and self-control and practical wisdom, can evoke sharing of narratives, metaphors, language, and culture. This is not influence over any one mediatee. It allows self-expression and therefore self- determination (autonomy) of/within each mediatee. Ethos is the summation of the mediator’s affect and a checklist for the mediator:

Are the emotions in the mediatees generated by me, real and conducive with their self-determination (autonomy)?

Is my tone, language, pacing, and understanding appropriate?

Is there an acceptance of me?

Am I credible, authentic and trustworthy?

Are my passion and compassion congruent?

These questions become part of a running, internalised and sub-conscious assessment by the mediator during a mediation.

Stage 4: self-control and harmonious passion Research in psychology, philosophy, business management and religion have shown a connection between the logos-Ethos-Pathos triad and an acquired form of one or more of the following:

self-compassion

trait self-control

emotional intelligence

Buddhist Four Immeasureables.

Fig 2. Major character/behaviour traits for a good mediator

Each of these categories can be learnt, enhanced or refreshed by the regular practice of mindfulness, meditation or reflective practice. Research has shown that each of these practices increase well-being, concentration, cognitive function, self-aware feelings of being “in the zone” and have positive affects on others.

‘Mindfulness may be understood as a set of skills that reflects how people relate to their present-moment experience, including the ability to observe, describe, act with awareness, not react, and not judge the experience’[1]

Figure 3 The Compassion Cycle

The compassion cycle (Fig3) is an example of how a virtue ethic like compassion or passion or temperance etc. can be acquired. An autonomous decision to achieve an end (e.g. compassion) necessitates a mindfulness or meditative action that is practised regularly to habituation to generate a self-compassion profile that then allows the virtue of compassion to flourish. Practical wisdom then becomes the regulator of that compassionate state.

A more detailed description can be seen in my upcoming webinar, “Compassion: The elephant in the mediator’s room”

Vallerand[1] and associates developed the theory of Harmonious Passion (as distinct from Obsessive or negative Passion) being a reasoned, self-controlled and, by habit and repetition, autonomous part of a person’s positive psychological and cognitive persona (See Fig.4). ‘When passionate about a given activity, people become "expert" in this activity, they grow psychologically as individuals, and their self in this sphere of activity becomes increasingly complex’.[2]

Figure 4: Iterations & controls

An autonomous decision to activate a self-control trait plus an autonomous decision to continue a harmonious passion conjoins to create a happier, healthier affective person (e.g. mediator).

Conclusion

A mediator can be passionate both within and outside of a mediation. An awareness of the mindset(s) that activate and temper passion can create a mediator who is flexible, aware, focussed, ethical, responsive and responsible whilst facilitating any type of mediation.

I have a passion for

Life

Love

healing

teaching

Beware, it is contagious

- David Mitchell

Blog by David Mitchell MHM, MB,BS, FAMAS, PRI NMAS

#mediation #conflictresolution